January 2010

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Ask Joe:

Q. Why is addiction called an “insidious” disease?

A. Because it is.

Insidious: working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy
manner. awaiting a chance to entrap; treacherous. harmful but enticing.
Developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming
apparent. —Webster’s Dictionary

“Insidious” means to spread harm in a subtle manner; to entrap in a seductive way. Addicts or alcoholics may be the last ones to realize their dependence problem. The drug works in a seductive manner and its victim often doesn’t realize what has happened until it’s too late—a housewife realizes that she needs a glass of wine to keep her hands from trembling; a college student realizes that he drove home the previous night but can’t remember doing so; a businessman finds that he needs to have multiple drinks throughout the day to maintain his façade.

At this stage, the addict is often living in denial, trying to prove to himself and the world that he is in control. No one likes to admit that they have been tricked. This is exactly what the drug is able to do. For the user, it is as though their best friend has betrayed them. Because of this slow and gradual process, most addicts aren’t aware of what is happening to them and don’t understand the changes taking place in their bodies and minds.

When a user’s brain ceases to function normally, he is no longer able to see clearly. People in recovery will often look back and say that it was as if their brain had been hijacked. This is why intervention is so important.

Excerpted from the revised/updated edition of: Why Don’t They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery
Part 5: Q&A with Joe

January 31, 2010 by jherzanek | 2 comments

Improve your memory. . .

January 24, 2010 in Other topics of interest by jherzanek | No comments

Thanks to Macrojohn!

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(alcohol) History Lesson of the Day

January 22, 2010 in Interviews, Other topics of interest by jherzanek | No comments

This post is thanks to my friend Holly Jo!

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ”ONE LAST DRINK”.

If he said YES it was referred to as “ONE FOR THE ROAD”

If he declined, that prisoner was “ON THE WAGON”

So there you go.

Have a great weekend!

Also:
Most people seem to have some idea of what “Watch your P’s and Q’s” means, but I didn’t know where it came from for most of my life.

In pubs, they had chalkboards where they would keep track of how many Pints and Quarts of ale each patron consumed!

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They all come in asking “Why don’t they just quit?”

January 21, 2010 in Feedback from You by jherzanek | No comments

A recent comment from LA counselor Deborah Taft Webb (used with permission)

I have both the book and DVD (Why Don’t They Just Quit?) and use them with patients. They are great.

In my last 20 years of counseling and program directing, I have learned that working with the family is a MUST. In fact, they are more at risk to die from their loved ones illness than their addict.

Stress symptoms caused by co-dependency—strokes, heart attacks, cancers, etc. . . are more severe than the addicts disease in a lot of cases. Also, co-dependents loose the joy of living a life of serenity and if not helped, will have consequences in every aspect of their lives.

And of course, they don’t know what to do when their addict gets well. In every program I have developed, the family (with adults) and the parents (with the adolescents) spend almost as much time at the facility as the addicts.

It is a family disease. And they all come in asking “Why don’t they just quit?”

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Q. Isn’t addiction just a willpower problem?

A. No.
When men or women begin using alcohol or drugs, willpower does play an important role. Deciding to drink or use drugs the first few times is simply a choice. The person may find the initial experiences enjoyable and pleasurable, but that doesn’t make them an addict or alcoholic. Certain drugs can have a much more powerful effect than others, which the user may want to repeat. Just the same, it takes time to become physically and mentally dependent.

Over time, the brain and central nervous system will expect the drug to come in from the outside. This is where physical dependence begins: stopping the use now will result in some signs of withdrawal. Mental or psychological dependence also plays a role in addiction. Once the person develops a physical and mental dependency (i.e. an obsession), willpower becomes less effective. The longer a person continues to use and build tolerance, the more difficult it is to just quit with willpower alone.

There is much to be said regarding this subject of willpower, or lack of it. Many recovering people swear, If not for a power greater than myself, I would still be using. Many addicts who recognize their need to quit do not want to quit. Where then will this desire come from?

Whether this power comes from the person’s spiritual life, or the power of their group or caring friends, recovering people recognize that sheer willpower does not work for them. At some point in recovery, a desire to stop using manifests itself in a person’s consciousness.

Call it what you will; I call this a miracle.
–Joe Herzanek


~ Footprints in the Sand ~

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child,
is when I carried you.”

–Author (still) unknown

This article is excerpted from the 2010 Revised and updated book “Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? What friends and families need to know about addiction and recovery.“

Article photos by Judy Herzanek

January 14, 2010 by jherzanek | No comments

Ask Joe:

My 50-year-old daughter will not admit she is drinking. She has lost her job, her drivers license–and her husband will soon be getting a divorce (he drinks). He is afraid he will lose his half of the house so he hasn’t left, and he does drive her places.

Your book has been a godsend. I have a guideline. I no longer say hurtful things to her. My problem is I cannot be honest with her or she hangs up the phone on me. She goes to AA meetings, comes home and gets drunk. She then calls me and I just don’t know how to deal with her and be honest. Please help me.
–Angela B.

Dear Angela,
What a sad story. There is not a lot that you can do, especially considering her age. If she is difficult to talk to, you may try writing her a letter (you could share your concerns and frustration and not have someone shouting at you while your doing it).

The good news is that it’s not too late. She can quit and begin a new life if she wants to badly enough.

If it were me I would let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you have had all you can take. I would tell her that you do not want to see her or talk to her again until she has at least 60 days of complete sobriety. If she is going to AA she knows what to do and there is plenty of help available to her from the other members.

You do not deserve to be going through the hell that she is putting you through. She is not a teenager she is FIFTY YEARS OLD.

Detachment and a firm dose of tough love are her only hope. You can do this.

If not now–when? How much more time do you (and she) want to waste?

Grace and peace,
–Joe

January 11, 2010 by jherzanek | 1 comment

Exceeding Expectations- Life After Meth

January 11, 2010 in Interviews, Other topics of interest, Real People, Real Stories by jherzanek | 1 comment


Gary Williams
Age 28
Crawfordsville, IN

What Made Me Try It
I started meth one day while I was down on my luck, in a bad mood, and had home problems. I ran into a friend who said to try meth, and that it would make things better. I thought to myself, “sure I’ll try it.”

Moments of Truth
I realized that I had a problem while I was sitting in my empty home with no food in the refrigerator, no money, no family, and no more meth. The worst part of all of that was that all I cared about was getting more meth. It was then that I knew I wanted to stop using meth but couldn’t.

Recovery From Relapse
Once I truly was clean, I have gone five years without relapsing.

My Keys to Recovery
I stay strong by staying involved in my community.

Lessons Learned
My whole life has changed. I work very hard to help other adults and kids. I am the president of our local coalition – the Montgomery County A.H.E.A.D. Coalition, Advocates Helping Educate Against Drugs. I am the president of our youth sports league. I am also on Governor Mitch Daniels’ Community Advisory Board for a Drug Free Indiana. In my spare time I coach wrestling, softball and baseball.

My Advice
I tell people to work hard. This is not something that comes easy or fast. It takes complete dedication and time. If you stumble, get up and fight harder. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are people willing to help who have been there and have good advice. When its all said and done, you will be stronger than you realize. I tell people that they worked hard at being an addict, and now its time to work hard at being sober.

My Recovery Story
I would like to tell you about my life after meth addiction. I have been in recovery for five years, and I have exceeded my own expectations for my life. I just want people to know that you can grow and change after addiction. If you work hard, you can accomplish anything.

As for what I’ve been doing, I am currently a board member working on a strategic prevention framework in Indiana to help fight drug abuse. Of the 40 people on the board, I am one of two who is in some sort of recovery. The special part of being on this board is that we were hand picked by our governor. Before joining the board, I traveled around the state teaching different groups about the dangers of meth. Along with my work to fight drug abuse, I am a board member for a local festival we have every year and recently took a board position for a youth sports league where I’m also a coach. The work I’m most proud of is my position as board president for the Montgomery County A.H.E.A.D. Coalition. (Advocates Helping Educate Against Drugs). I have had many more accomplishments in my life, but these have the most meaning to me.

I am very passionate about recovery, and I work hard to help others. I owe a very big thank you to my family, because without their support, I would have struggled tremendously to get this far. My three children and my wife are right there with me in all my activities.

See Video of Gary

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