For those of you NOT watching the Hallmark special…. maybe you would want to listen to Joe on this live (Tampa Bay, FLA) call-in radio show: Prescription Addiction Radio.
(click here to listen online)
You are currently browsing articles tagged alcohol.
Tags: AA, addict, addiction, Al-Anon, alanon, alcohol, alcoholic, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholics, alcoholism, cocaine, consequences, dealing with an addict, help an addict, help for alcoholics, help for drugs, hit bottom, how to alcoholic, living with an alcoholic, Prescription Addiction, recovery, rock bottom, teen addictions
I just noticed new privacy controls for Facebook, in which kids can let others see their posts—excluding their parents. Read more below:
Teens use Internet to share drug stories
By Donna Leinwand, USA TODAY
Ashley Duffy, 18, knew her parents wouldn’t tap into her online journal so she wrote freely about her drug use. She says she used the Internet to contact her dealer and connect at parties with people who had drugs.
“Kids are really open about it. I see posts from other people describing a night on acid or whatever,” says Duffy of West Chester, Pa., who underwent treatment and says she has been drug-free for 16 months. “I think they think their parents are clueless. And I guess they are.”
A study being released today of more than 10 million online messages written by teens in the past year shows they regularly chat about drinking alcohol, smoking pot, partying and hooking up. The Caron Treatment Centers, a non-profit program in Wernersville, Pa., that also funds research into drug addiction, commissioned the study by Nielsen BuzzMetrics.
Nielson analysts used a computer program to search blogs, public chat rooms, messages boards and other places that attract teens. About 2% of the posts specifically mentioned drugs or alcohol.
The study offers insight into what teens talk about online and classifies the messages into common themes. Many of the teens who posted messages about drugs or alcohol often traded information about using illicit substances without getting hurt or caught. Some teens debated drug legalization and the drinking age. Other teens recounted their partying experiences, including sexual liaisons while drunk or high, the study says.
Kids often use code words they believe their parents won’t understand, says Duffy, who was treated at Caron. “You can’t use any words like pot and mary jane and weed because your parents will know that.”
Lucky O’Donnell, 19, of New York, used to refer to cocaine as “yay” or “cocoa” and heroin as “skag” when he posted messages on friends’ sites on MySpace.
O’Donnell, who says he has been drug-free since Dec. 12, 2005, had used the Internet to research how much cocaine he could carry without risking arrest for drug dealing and how much he could take — and in what combinations with other drugs — without getting sick.
He says his research landed him in the intensive care unit just before his 17th birthday. He says his mother found him convulsing on the floor after he had combined cocaine with Tylenol PM and alcohol.
“One site said it was fine, one site said it wasn’t,” O’Donnell says. “I wasn’t able to differentiate the information. You want to believe everything you read.”
The misinformation on the Internet about drugs is staggering, says Carol Falkowski, director of research communications for Hazelden Foundation, an addiction treatment, education and research center in Center City, Minn. “What kids used to learn about drugs on street corners, they now learn online,” Falkowski says. The Internet “erases geographic and social boundaries,” she said. “Kids who live in remote areas can develop a camaraderie online of drug-abusing kids. They can share stories about drug experiences.”
Janice Styer, an addiction counselor at Caron, says the treatment center now urges parents to monitor their teens’ Web surfing and to keep the computer in a family room. “Five years ago, we weren’t even thinking about this,” Styer says.
Scott Burns, deputy director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, said he had a blistering fight with his teenage daughter when he insisted on moving the computer to the family room. He also learned the acronym, “POS” — parent over shoulder.
“It’s a lot easier said than done, I know,” Burns says. “As a parent, it’s hard to keep up with your teens and their technologies. If you’re not tech savvy, if you don’t have Internet skills, you need to learn them.”
The study’s analysis of alcohol messages found that teens mentioned hooking up and having sex while drunk, being drunk at parties, getting help for a friend who drinks too much and drinking until getting sick. The most popular drinks mentioned in the messages were beer and vodka.
In a sample message included with the study, one unnamed teen wrote: “I’ve had alcohol once or twice (once to the point of being drunk) and sex is waaaaay better.”
In postings about marijuana, teens asked about possible addiction and whether it alleviated depression, the study shows. Teens also shared stories about cutting class, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and mutilating themselves while getting high.
Another message from an unnamed teen included in the study asked about marijuana: “Has anyone ever passed out from smoking weed? I was at the beach and I just collapsed and I don’t remember that happening.”
In posts about other drugs, teens sought or offered information on Ecstasy, hallucinogenic mushrooms, LSD and heroin. They talked about experimentation with drugs and sought advice on taking drugs safely.
An unnamed teen in one post included in the study asked for information about DXM, a drug found in over-the-counter cough syrup:
“I tried DXM for the first time on Saturday (200mg) and it was interesting. Can I try it again … say tomorrow … or should I wait longer. I read somewhere you should give DXM at least a week until you try it again. Anyone know?”
Tags: AA, addict, addiction, Al-Anon, alanon, alcohol, alcoholic, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholics, alcoholism, cocaine, consequences, dealing with an addict, help an addict, help for alcoholics, help for drugs, hit bottom, how to alcoholic, living with an alcoholic, recovery, rock bottom, teen addictions
“Real Stories, Real People”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 263) of
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
Never give up hope.
I’ve been inspired over and over by the testimonies
of those who have lived through the nightmare of addiction and managed
to regain control of their lives. When you find yourself discouraged
and ready to give up hope for someone you love, you may find
these accounts to be the inspiration you need.
This story comes to us from a woman I recently helped coach
through some very tough times. Little did I realize just how tough. I like
to try to remember, “you never know just what someone might be going
through . . .”
Although it was difficult for her to revisit these experiences, she did
a superb job recounting the past and sharing her insights. But for the
grace of God and her wise but painful decisions about how to handle
Dan, she could so easily have had one more funeral to attend.
Daniel’s Story
A Mother’s Painful Lessons Learned
It is difficult to think back on the story of my son, Daniel, and his addiction.
It is hard to experience once again the pain of that time in my life. I
do so that I may remember more clearly the lessons I have learned and
perhaps help someone else who may be facing this destructive disease.
Although Daniel’s father and I divorced when Dan was seven, it was in Daniel’s
early middle school years when my family started on his painful
path of using. Perhaps Daniel’s use started because there was more friction
between his parents, or his best friend moved away in 6th grade, or that
in six months time Dan went from a little boy to looking like he was
eighteen years old. It really doesn’t matter how it began, the truth is Dan
used because he is an addict.
My relationship with my son was very strong and loving throughout
his young life, so when there started to be some tension and fighting, it
seemed normal; it was important that he “break” from his strong ties
with his mom to search out his identification as a young man. I still think
that was a reasonable explanation initially but I held on to that explanation
long after I knew in my heart it was more than that.
My son was an athlete who excelled at all team sports. He had gone
through puberty early which gave him an advantage of size and coordination.
He was unassuming and coachable; his teams were successful
and his teammates looked up to him. For whatever reasons, he was attracted
to the wrong crowd. He said kids his age were boring and since
he looked older, he gravitated to older kids.
In eighth grade his behavior became erratic. He would get angry in
a split second over little things and he started punching walls and breaking
chairs. He got into some minor trouble at school and at the end of
his eighth grade summer, he and a friend stole a car. He went through
the diversion program and participated in a restorative justice program.
It seemed he really understood that he needed to change his ways.
Daniel’s first year of high school had many successes in academics
and sports. Socially, he still had friends his age but once again, the older
crowd was becoming a big part of his life. Toward the end of his freshman
year something changed and he started shutting me out of his life
again. At the time I knew it was a red flag but could not convince his dad
or his counselor that he was using.
Sophomore year was difficult. Dan would not speak to me, he lived
full-time with his dad and was spiraling down. He was in therapy off
and on with someone who was highly respected in the community and
credible as an adolescent counselor. I kept insisting that I thought Daniel’s
behavior was indicative of substance abuse, but no one agreed.
In February, Dan came to my house after school drunk with marks
on his arms from hurting himself. He said he wanted to die. I called
the police, Dan went to the ER and then was released to a psychiatric
hospital. When he was to be dismissed, he said he would not do any
outpatient care and his therapist recommended a wilderness program. I
knew I couldn’t watch him 24-7 and I knew that is what he needed. He
was there for two and a half months which gave me some hope and
some sleep, but the program did not emphasize the disease of addiction.
Dan had no 12-step skills, no understanding of his disease and the first
weekend home he went to a party and came home totally smashed.
I don’t remember specifics of junior year. It was a fog of sleepless
nights, days and nights of not knowing where he was or what he was
doing or who he was with. Daniel’s dad was still in denial and refused to
address the use issues. Most high school kids drink and get in trouble,
right? “This is just normal high school stuff was the response I would
get from so many people. I knew it wasn’t; I knew Dan was one of those
people who could not drink alcohol. I heard rumors about the people he
was friends with and some of the criminal things they were doing. And
I was torn about what I should do. I consulted many different therapists
and was told there was nothing I could do. I called the police, I called
a parole officer whose son struggled with the same issues, I talked to
friends. It was the most frustrating, helpless, depressing time of my life.
I would wake in the middle of the night in panic. Was my son dead
somewhere? Was he lying passed out in the freezing cold? If I did something
now, would I save his life? I would call his phone, not expecting him to pick up,
but believing that it might wake him and keep him from dying.
It was the most stressful and hopeless time of Daniel’s addiction for
me. He ended up in the psychiatric hospital in February. Again, I asked
the professionals if this could be a result of using and they said maybe,
but they were looking at mental illness diagnoses.
In the summer after his junior year, my family experienced a tragedy.
My oldest daughter’s husband was killed by an impaired driver.
It was devastating to the whole family and a turning point for Dan and
me. Dan, of course, stepped up his use. He started using hard drugs and
dropped out of school. For me, I had to turn my attention to my daughter
and granddaughter. It forced me to let go of Daniel’s use and abuse
issues and give them to him to figure out. I still prayed that he would
live and choose to live clean and sober but I stopped trying to make it
happen. My response changed from “You have to stop doing this to
yourself or you will die” to “I pray that you choose to live life clean
and sober and let me know what I can do to help you.” I was consumed
with grief over the loss of my son-in-law and with the need to help my
daughter as a single parent. I had to prioritize my use of energy with a
full-time job, my twenty-seven year old widowed daughter, my fatherless
granddaughter, my fifteen year old daughter, and my using addict
son. I just didn’t have the energy to continue worrying about him the
same way I had been. I had to “let it go” and trust that he would figure
it out.
Dan expressed survivor guilt after his brother-in-law was killed,
thinking he was the one who messed up, he was the one who caused
so much pain to the family and he was the one who deserved to die. He
ended up in jail the summer after what should have been his graduation
from high school. He had stolen a car again and was writing checks on
his dad’s account. When he got out of jail he came to live with me amid
promises of not using and following the terms of his probation. After a few
months his use escalated to using heroin and he attended a 30
day treatment program in December. His sisters and I came to family
week to support him in his recovery. We wanted to show him we cared,
but we also were resentful that he was asking more of us. We hoped for
the best for him this time, but we still saw signs that he didn’t take full
responsibility.
Most importantly, during these family sessions I gained clarity about
what my boundaries needed to be and made a commitment to hold to
them. If I suspected that he was high, I would not ask him to confirm or
deny it, I would ask him to leave. He could not live in my house if he
was using. And I learned to trust my intuition regarding whether he was
and I did not need someone else to agree with me. I had the confidence
to believe that I knew my son and his behavior well enough to know
when he was clean and when he was not. I also came to the realization
that there was nothing I could have done to keep my son-in-law from
being killed and there was nothing I could do to keep my son alive if he
was determined to die.
A few weeks after he “graduated” from rehab, he started using again.
I told him I loved him and he was not following the rules we established.
He needed to leave. When I came home from work I began to realize
that he had been coming in the house through different windows. He
had done this in the past just to get in, but this time was different. This
time, he was coming in to steal from me. He stole gold jewelry, tools,
and musical instruments. I went to pawn shops in town and was able to
track down some of the items and get the names of the young men who
had pawned them for Dan. With this information, I filed a police report.
Although it was difficult to do, I was certain that my son was begging
me to do something drastic. He was out of control and could not stop
himself. I was going to help him by keeping my boundaries.
The next time I talked with Dan I gave him a choice.
He could admit himself into a detox unit and make a commitment to
staying clean and sober or I was going to file charges against him for theft.
He choose detox. He worked with his probation officer on some different living
situations after he detoxed, but one required a year commitment and one was
not an option because Dan was on probation. Joe coached me through
this trying time. I had read Joe’s book and knew I needed to be clear
about my boundaries and the consequences. When my son got out after
3 days of detoxing, once again, he got high. I told him to leave again.
Joe had told me to tell Dan not to come back until after he was clean for
90 days. I told Dan that. Dan left the house and I broke down in tears.
The next day I called one of the counselors at the detox and told
him that I kicked Dan out because he used. The counselor said good. I
needed that support. I called Joe and asked if I should file charges, like I
said I would. Joe reminded me that my son would not die of an overdose
in jail. I needed that reminder. I needed the support of these recovery
experts in order to do what I needed to do.
The next morning I went into the garage to let out the dog before I
went to work. My son was sleeping there, huddled up next to the dog.
It was one of the most heartbreaking sights for me. How could it have
come to this? My once sweet, loving boy now a heroin addict who is
living like a dog? Again, I told him I loved him and the agreement we
had was that if he used I would file charges. I told him that I would file
charges after work. That afternoon I got a call from Daniel’s probation
officer who said Dan had come and asked her to do something for him.
He needed help. She called a Christian sober living home and Dan could
come and live there, but needed to make a one year commitment. Dan
agreed. I did not file charges that afternoon, but there is no doubt in my
mind I would have. And I think there was no doubt in Daniel’s mind that
day that I would have.
The relief I felt for the next few weeks was unbelievable. I woke up
in the morning after a full nigh’s sleep. I rested with the assurance that
my son was in a safe and healthy place. The surrender that began when
I turned my son’s addiction over to him ended with complete relief. I
couldn’t talk with him the first month he was there and I was glad of
that. I knew I could get hooked back in and I knew it would not be good
for any of us.
I went to see him after about four weeks and he looked better than he
had in the last year. My son looked like himself, talked to me with love
and gentleness and wanted to stay where he was and be clean.
That was over twelve months ago and our relationship continues to rebuild.
I learned well that he was not trustworthy and I’m not sure how
long it will take for me to believe what he says. I have always believed
in him and I still do. The lying, deceit, and stealing destroyed the foundation
of our relationship. That is a reality of the using addict’s life. I
imagine it will take as many years to rebuild my trust as he spent destroying
my trust.
When I look back, it’s hard to say if I did the right thing or not all
those years. I have come to believe that life is a process and I can only
know what I know when I know it. I am grateful that Dan is where he is
now and I relish each day of his sobriety. I pray that he chooses life each
day and not the death that comes with using. Recovery is a marathon and
he is in the first mile. I am clear that my role is to support and not enable,
to have clear boundaries and to love him. Everything else is up to him.
I am grateful today not for the pain of these last few years of my life
but for the lessons I have learned from dealing with that pain. Those lessons
include learning to trust my intuition, learning to set and maintain
clear boundaries with love and kindness, learning acceptance for what
is, and trusting the judgment of people like Joe.
Addendum:
As of this posting, Dan remains clean and sober, working and living out-of-state with his father.
“Real Stories, Real People”
excerpted from revised edition (pg. 263) of
Why Don’t They Just Quit?
What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.
(click on title above to purchase)
Tags: AA, addict, addiction, Al-Anon, alanon, alcohol, alcoholic, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholics, alcoholism, cocaine, consequences, dealing with an addict, help an addict, help for alcoholics, help for drugs, hit bottom, how to alcoholic, living with an alcoholic, recovery, rock bottom, teen addictions
Q. Isn’t addiction just a willpower problem?
A. No.
When men or women begin using alcohol or drugs, willpower does play an important role. Deciding to drink or use drugs the first few times is simply a choice. The person may find the initial experiences enjoyable and pleasurable, but that doesn’t make them an addict or alcoholic. Certain drugs can have a much more powerful effect than others, which the user may want to repeat. Just the same, it takes time to become physically and mentally dependent.
Over time, the brain and central nervous system will expect the drug to come in from the outside. This is where physical dependence begins: stopping the use now will result in some signs of withdrawal. Mental or psychological dependence also plays a role in addiction. Once the person develops a physical and mental dependency (i.e. an obsession), willpower becomes less effective. The longer a person continues to use and build tolerance, the more difficult it is to just quit with willpower alone.
There is much to be said regarding this subject of willpower, or lack of it. Many recovering people swear, If not for a power greater than myself, I would still be using. Many addicts who recognize their need to quit do not want to quit. Where then will this desire come from?
Whether this power comes from the person’s spiritual life, or the power of their group or caring friends, recovering people recognize that sheer willpower does not work for them. At some point in recovery, a desire to stop using manifests itself in a person’s consciousness.
Call it what you will; I call this a miracle.
–Joe Herzanek
~ Footprints in the Sand ~
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child,
is when I carried you.”
–Author (still) unknown
This article is excerpted from the 2010 Revised and updated book “Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? What friends and families need to know about addiction and recovery.“
Article photos by Judy Herzanek
A great post by our friend and Addiction Chaplain Ned Wicker:
My friend Joe Herzanek wrote a terrific book, “Why Don’t They Just Quit” which is a fitting title because that’s the question people always ask. If somebody drinks, why don’t they just quit? The short answer is simply that’s it’s not that easy. Just because they do quit doesn’t mean they’re not a drunk.
Before you get all riled up and offended understand one important point—just because somebody isn’t using doesn’t mean they are not an addict. People who abstain from using alcohol for long periods of time, people who have been diagnosed as being alcoholics, may be dry, but they are still alcoholics. All of the pieces are in place for their lives to go out of control; it’s just that the triggering element, alcohol, is missing. That is why Alcoholics Anonymous strongly advocates for abstinence. Even people who have been in recovery for years understand that all it takes is alcohol for them to be right back on a destructive path.
Over the years I have known many people who have gone through the criminal justice system and served time for DUI. The police arrest them, the judge convicts them and they spend time behind bars. However, while in jail they do not receive treatment. Yes, they are dry, but that only lasts while they are physically prevented from getting a drink. They are still addicts, but they just aren’t using the drug alcohol at the time. Jason comes to mind. He was serving after being convicted yet again of DUI, but like his first time, he was receiving no treatment. There was a program, but a waiting list to get into it was a mile long. Jason got an early release and never did get into treatment. He was a dry drunk. The first opportunity that came along was all he needed to get a snoot full.
Recovery programs are not just limited to going to meetings and not drinking. They are about the rebuilding of one’s life and learning new skills and habits. People who have honestly and openly journeyed through the 12 Step process understand that recovery is about a return to wholeness. People are transformed from drunks, to dry drunks, to recovering drunks. I do not use the term drunks in the pejorative, but instead use it intentionally to illustrate an important point. No matter the addiction, no matter the human condition, just because one is not directly engaged in an activity does not exempt them from potential danger. What is needed to prevent relapse is a change of lifestyle and a commitment to healthy activity.
It wasn’t long after Jason was released that he was in trouble with the law for another DUI. This time the judge wasn’t at all understanding and the sentence was for four years or so. He was back on the waiting list for treatment, but with more time, he finally got in. He was given the opportunity to go from dry drunk to “recovering.” As he learned new ways of dealing with his life, with his cravings and with his out of control lifestyle, he began to realize that, like millions of others, he was in need of help and could get into recovery with the right kind of support and guidance.
It was a major turning point for him. He was not longer the “victim” of the criminal justice system, but a grateful recipient of treatment for his illness. Unlike others who were going through a prison 12 Step program to earn brownie points with the parole board, Jason was earnestly and actively working the program for its long-term benefits. He wasn’t merely going through the motions. When he was released, he continued his recovery program on the outside, this time with a new sense of purpose and direction. He was no longer a dry drunk.
Abstinence is good, but abstinence along does not get the alcoholic out of the woods. You can lock them up and deny them alcohol, but they are still drunks. Treatment and the right kind of support program is what makes the difference. Jason knows that difference.
Tags: 12 step Christian, AA, addict, addicted, Addicted child, addicted son, addicted teen, addiction, addictions, addicts, addicts treatment, Al-Anon, alanon, alanon advice, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alanon steps, alcohol, alcoholic, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholism, Celebrate Recovery, cocaine, cocaine addiction, cocaine recovery, consequences, crack cocaine help, dealing, dealing with addict, dealing with addiction, drug, drug addict, dugs, functional alcoholic, help a drug addict, help an addict, help drug addicts, help for alcoholics, help for drugs, help for marijuana, help for wives of alcoholics, heroin addiction, hit bottom, hitting bottom, how to alcoholic, just quit, living with an alcoholic, marijuana, marijuana addiction help, marijuana addictions, parent, pot addiction, quit cannabis, quit cocaine, quit drugs, quit heroin, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, signs of alcoholic, Teen addiction, teen addictions
"No one is immune to the disease of addiction," warns Katherine Ketcham
What Every Parent Needs to Know Now
by Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor
“No one is immune to the disease of addiction,” warns Katherine Ketcham, the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs – How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It and the bestselling classic Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism. For the last eight years she has worked with addicted youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Center in Walla Walla, Washington. She is also the mother of three children. “I have extreme empathy for any parent who is dealing with this in their family.” Katherine understands the difficulties families go through when dealing with addiction firsthand. “Although I’ve written nine books on addiction, I didn’t know my own son was smoking marijuana until I found the pipe wrapped up in his gym clothes. I suspected it, but didn’t have proof, and I wanted to believe he was not involved with alcohol or other drugs. I knew it, but ignored it because I couldn’t imagine he’d do that.” After going through an inpatient treatment program, her son is currently in recovery. During a wide-ranging interview, Katherine spoke to us about teen marijuana use and drug addiction, and told us how parents can read the signs and get some help for their kids—and themselves.
“Chances are, if you think that your child has been smoking pot, he or she probably has.”
—Katherine Ketcham
Tell us about what’s going on with kids and pot right now. How has the scene changed in the last 20 to 30 years? It’s said that marijuana is more potent now, for example. How is that affecting young people who smoke it?
This is why marijuana is so dangerous: the research holds that of the adolescents who enter treatment these days, the majority list marijuana—or weed, as the kids call it, as their drug of choice. Marijuana is a much more subtle drug than, say, alcohol. It gets them into the culture of the drug world, which is a perilous step because it can lead down the path to drug addiction.
One of the dangers of marijuana is that it’s much stronger than it was twenty years ago. Although some people say it’s 20 times higher than it was two decades ago, that’s not true. Back then, pot, as we used to call it, contained four percent THC, now it’s about eight and a half percent—which is still a significant increase.*
We also know from the research that it’s a physiologically addicting drug. Once a child gets hooked on marijuana and combines it with other drugs, the chances of getting addicted, particularly if they start using at an early age, are very high. And the age that kids first start smoking it is going down. In the eight years since I’ve worked at Juvenile Justice Center, the age of the first high was 13 and 14. Now I’d say it’s 11 and 12, and I see kids who are starting in the fourth or fifth grade. The perception that it’s not dangerous is widespread. Even most kids will agree that marijuana is a so-called “gateway drug” because their tolerance increases, leading them to move on to other drugs. Because they are using an illicit drug, they are often exposed to harder drugs and to drug dealers.
And it’s rare for young people to use marijuana by itself. Most kids, in my experience, combine marijuana and alcohol—“the regulars,” as they call them. And combining drugs can exponentially increase the risk of addiction.
Why is marijuana so popular with kids?
Marijuana is easily available, relatively cheap, and kids say that it relaxes them, it’s effective for stress, and gets rid of their anxiety. Anxiety is huge. In fact, by conservative estimates, half of young people who are addicted to chemicals—alcohol, marijuana or other drugs—also have a co-occurring mental health disorder. The research is clear as a bell on the intimate connection between chemical dependency and mental health problems, although it’s often very difficult to tell which comes first: the drug use or the anxiety and depression.
A lot of kids who I work with at the Juvenile Justice Center tell me that they “wake and bake,” and use marijuana daily. I have a son who is in recovery, and in his case, marijuana was also his drug of choice. I’m not sure that the reasons for smoking marijuana have changed all that much, but the motivation or desire to use seems to be intensifying. Kids are telling me that their lives are out of control. They feel extremely stressed out and anxious, and I think their problems are very, very real. When I grew up, I didn’t have images of kids walking into school with guns, I didn’t see two airplanes flying into the Twin Towers. Movies, video games, music—I believe it all intensifies their stress levels. I think growing up today, unless you’re in some kind of protected environment, you’re going to see bullying at school, pressure to use, and in many cases a lack of parental oversight because in so many families both parents are working, leaving kids on their own a lot.
We also can’t discount the pressure we’re putting on our children to succeed in the form of academic performance and athletics. Kids today experience enormous stress, and they crave, as we all do, peace and serenity. Drugs may promise that, at least the first few times a person uses, but in the long run they destroy any hope of peace and serenity.
If you’re a parent and you smoked marijuana as a young person, do you have a leg to stand on when you talk to your kids about it? And should you lie about it if they ask you?
You have two legs! Marijuana was half as strong twenty years ago, and we know a lot more about its ill effects now. Personally, I would counsel honesty. Drugs are all about lying and dishonesty, after all, and if we’re going to get through to kids, honesty is our trump card. Tell the truth, but tell how things have changed. Give them the facts. Marijuana is stronger than it used to be and we now have research that tells us about the frightening things it does to your personality and your performance in school, sports, and every area of your life. All the neurological wiring is laid down in adolescence for judgment, reason controlling impulses, empathy, compassion, flexibility, all those more mature brain functions that help people grow into responsible adults. You throw drugs into a developing brain and you stop emotional development cold. That’s one important reason why it takes kids so long to recover from addiction, because they don’t have those skills built up, those underlying brain foundations that help them know how to build strong relationships and make reasonable, rational decisions.
I’d also tell parents, first, set aside your rationalizations (i.e., alcohol is legal and therefore “better” than “hard drugs” or making statements like, “At least he’s only smoking marijuana.”) and learn everything you can about alcohol, drugs, and drug addiction.
What are some signs that might help you identify whether your child is smoking marijuana?
I think where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Chances are, if you think that your child has been smoking pot, he or she probably has. These are the big signs: kids’ grades slip, they change their whole group of friends, they stop playing sports or going to youth group, their personalities change and they become more negative and less approachable. Don’t ignore these changes, because they are like signs on a very dangerous path. If you’re a parent and see these problems in your child, I would be proactive and talk to your child, express your concerns, and tell them that you’re keeping an eye out and that you’re not going to ignore the situation. Kids do not respect their parents when they ignore the signs staring right at them. Even as they seek independence, they need and want you to act as their guardians and guides.
Marijuana destroys motivation, it screws up memory, and it gradually destroys self-esteem. The kids I work with say that it makes them feel “lazy” or “dumb.” Their grades drop, their ambitions disappear, and their friends change. There are emotional changes too–anger and irritability increase and they often become more paranoid. Depression and suicidal thoughts can also be a by-product of smoking marijuana. Remember that while adolescence is always challenging for kids (and parents) it’s not normal for your child’s personality to change in dramatically negative ways. The more a child uses, the more you will see negative emotions and moodiness build up. You may see a gentle, smart, calm child turn into an angry person who doesn’t in any way, shape or form resemble your daughter or son, as was the case with my own child. You will see increasingly dramatic personality changes. One of the keys is to look at what’s happening to your child’s relationships. People focus on bloodshot eyes, but I focus on how drugs affect kids’ values: their love of family, self-respect and the respect they get from others…the issues that people don’t talk about.
I can tell the kids at the Juvenile Justice Center that pot affects their liver or heart, that it will change their grades, and they don’t care one bit. But if I ask, “Has marijuana affected your relationships with people?” they look at me and hang their heads and say, “Yes.” So look honestly at your relationship with your child. As parents, of course, we get confused by of the normal ups and downs of adolescence, but if you have a 12 to 14-year-old going through some unusual or serious emotional changes and relationship changes, be on your toes. Ask yourself, “Is this normal adolescence or has my child’s personality totally switched?” And ask yourself honestly, “What’s happened to my child’s relationships?”
It’s also important to be honest with yourself about your own rationalizations, fears and denials. Are you trying too hard to talk yourself out of your fears? Are you making excuses for your child? Are you protecting your child from the natural consequences of their actions? Consequences are essential—it’s how we learn. Take a deep breath and allow your children to experience the consequences of their actions and decisions.
What should a parent’s role be when they suspect their child is using drugs?
When you suspect your child might be using drugs, the faster you can jump in and be authoritative, decisive and strong, the better. You have to be like steel with this disease. When they are using alcohol or other drugs on a regular basis, kids can be incredibly manipulative and they will lie to your face. The way they can shift blame around so it’s your fault is unbelievable. They are masters of deception. The fact of the matter is, they have to lie if they are going to protect their ability to continue to use. Lying, deceit, cheating and dishonesty are part and parcel of this disease—not because the addicted person is a liar or a cheat by nature, but because the addicted brain needs drugs in order to function “normally.” Lying is one way to escape detection. Always remember: for an addicted person, the poison, and by that I mean withdrawal, is the antidote. What hurts the brain also makes the brain feel better. What hurts us in the short run heals us in the long run.
And remember, you are the parent. Your first role is to support and protect your child. You know they have a drug problem and it’s destroying their lives and you know if they have money, they might buy drugs. Cut the money off. Guard your wallet. If your child has a part-time job and you have good reason to believe they’re using the money to buy drugs, then you say, “We’re taking that money you earn from your job and putting it into an account for you so you can save it.” Let your kids suffer the consequences of their decisions.
By the way, if you think your child might be taking drugs, I personally don’t think it’s unreasonable to search their room. We’re afraid to use our power to impinge on their freedom and independence, but if they’re in trouble with drugs, they’re going to lose their freedom and independence and maybe their life. Check their rooms, and in places you’d never imagine. Check wall sockets, CD covers, look in their shoes, and take every bit of medication in your medicine cabinet and put it some place under lock and key. That’s everything—pain pills, heart medication, sleeping pills, anti-depressants. Believe me, kids will walk into their friend’s houses, take a few pills and see what happens—it doesn’t matter what the pills are. Even if your own child doesn’t have a drug problem, their friends might, so I would advise that you keep all prescription medication in a safe, inaccessible place in your house as a matter of course.
What should you do if your child is addicted to drugs?
There is not enough compassion out there for parents whose kids are addicted. You simply can’t judge what they’re going through if you don’t know it. For those of us who are going through this, you face your child’s addiction every day, and you think, “Will he come back tonight, and will he be alive tomorrow?” You’re half crazed by fear and anxiety. And you’re fighting something that is seemingly so much smarter than you are. Addiction is the wiliest disease that there is. It’s intense because it’s a disease that literally rewires the brain. The addiction says, “Give me more drugs, I have to have more or you will go through pain.” The addict knows the pain of not using (withdrawal) and in time they become a prisoner of their addiction. Research also shows that if you’re addicted to one drug, especially at a young age, then you’re brain is wired to become addicted to any addictive drug.
Keep in mind that you’re not your child’s friend, you’re their parent. You have to stand firm. Realize that your child has a disease, because it will allow you to be objective and not take their anger personally. This will help you be more effective in your efforts to get them some help. Remember, this person who is screaming, “To hell with you, I hate you, you’ll never understand me” is under the influence of drugs. Your enemy is not your child, it’s the addiction that has taken over their life, mind, heart and spirit.
I would advise parents to always approach the problem with love first. I know it’s really, really hard, but say, “I love you so much and I don’t know how I’d live without you, and that’s why I’m grounding you or shutting off your bank account or taking your car away. You may hate me, but I can’t watch you destroy yourself. I’ll be part of your recovery, but I will not be part of your addiction. But I will do everything in my power to help you get better.”
How should you go about seeking treatment for your child?
One of the heartbreaking things for parents is they often don’t know where to go when their child is using drugs. If you can, find a doctor who’s knowledgeable about addictions. Work with him or her to find the best treatment center you can for your child. The first step will be to have a chemical dependency assessment done. Your doctor should be able to direct you to a reputable institution. By the way, if you’re going to the doctor with your child, call them ahead of time and say, “If I were to bring in my child who is addicted to alcohol and marijuana, what would your approach be?” Some doctors tell parents they will not deal with addicted kids, or they may tell the child that smoking marijuana is not a problem as long as they keep it under control. Believe it or not, this happened to me when I took our son to the doctor to talk about his marijuana use, and it has happened to other parents I know.
If it’s decided that your child should undergo treatment, there are both inpatient and outpatient programs your child can attend. You can also check with ASAM, the American Society of Addiction Medicine, an arm of the American Medical Association, to find out about good treatment centers. Most centers don’t specialize in treating adolescents, but there are some that do. When you contact them, you need to ask, “Who do you have on staff who understands adolescent addictions?” And, if at all possible, try to get a mental health evaluation—but only after your child has been in treatment for several weeks. Addiction creates its own mental health issues, so you need to wait until the drugs are out of the system before you can get an accurate assessment. A big word—a shout—of caution: you can’t get a child sober and then release them back into the community without putting some structure into place. If the treatment is only 28 days, which is the standard inpatient stay, make sure that when your child is released that they will be attending AA or NA meetings, going to a regular support group, and meeting with a counselor or case manager. Talk to teachers, family members and friends and ask for their support. Educate them about addiction and recovery. A child who has all those supports in place has a good chance to stay clean and sober. Without that support, about 80 percent of kids relapse. During recovery, it’s of vital importance that your child gets into a good support group, where they talk about what’s happened to them and how they can become the person they want to be.
There are two reasons to seek help as early as you can. One of them is that it will enable you to find out what’s happening with your child by having a professional step in and help you. Find someone who can see the problems quickly and who understands adolescent addiction and co-occurring mental health problems. The second reason is to get help for yourself. Because you can’t do this alone—you’ll go crazy. Try to find a support group in your area. Contact your local hospitals and community center. In my case, I started a support group in our town to help our family deal with the fall-out from our son’s addiction, and it continues to be a lifeline for us as we reach out to others who are going through what we went through.
What can you say to kids before they ever start smoking?
I think you need to teach the facts at a really early age, because they are exposed to drugs at such an early age now. I think it’s important to talk to them about it in elementary school where kids are exposed to inhalants – substances such as nail polish, gasoline, and permanent markers. Very young kids are inhaling or huffing those substances and risking permanent brain damage. That’s a very serious issue. You have to find a way to talk to them in an age-appropriate way without scaring the pants off them. I’m a great believer in stories. You can say, “I just heard this story [about a family or youth in trouble with drugs] and it made me so sad.” If you can, say it with love and explain it in terms of another child. I think stories and testimonials of kids in recovery are good. If I ruled the world, I would start talking to kids in first grade-–they hear these things already, so getting the straight scoop helps them.
There are ways to educate kids with love and compassion for people who are suffering–and that’s what we have to remember. Addicted people need our support and compassion. Always. No matter how many times they relapse. They need us to reach out to them with love and understanding but also with a firm grasp of what needs to be done to get them well again.
I would also say that talking about values with your child is paramount. Ask your child “What is honesty, what is trust, what does forgiveness mean?” Have a solid, steady ritual where you focus on what it means to be human, what it means to be good, what it means to do bad things. Tell your children, “We all make mistakes, but do the next right thing.” 99 percent of the kids I work with at the Juvenile Justice Center say they have been called bad kids. I say, “Don’t let anyone put that label on you. We all do bad things, but do the next right thing.”
*The report from the University of Mississippi’s Potency Monitoring Project said the average THC content in seized marijuana samples was 8.5 percent, up from about 4 percent in 1983.
Katherine Ketcham is the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs – How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It with Nicholas Pace, M.D. (Ballantine, 2003); Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption (Viking, 2006) with William Cope Moyers; and the bestselling classics Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism with James Milam (Bantam, 1983) and The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning with Ernest Kurtz (Bantam, 1992). Over 1.5 million copies of her books are currently in print. For the last eight years she has worked with youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Center in Walla Walla, Washington where she lives with her husband, Patrick Spencer, a geology professor. They have three children: Robyn, 26; Alison, 24; and Benjamin, 21.
Elisabeth Wilkins is the editor of Empowering Parents and the mother of a 6 year old son. Her work has appeared in national and international publications, including Mothering, Motherhood, and The Japan Times. Elisabeth holds a Masters in Fine Arts in Creative Writing from the University of Southern Maine.
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: AA, addict, Addicted child, addicted son, addicted teen, addicts treatment, Al-Anon, alanon, alanon advice, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alcohol, alcoholic child, Celebrate Recovery, dealing with addict, dealing with addiction, dealing with addicts, dealing with an addict, drug addict, drug intervention, drug recovery, Elisabeth Wilkins, help a drug addict, help an addict, help drug addicts, help for marijuana, helping an addict, how to help an addict, how to intervene, intervention, Katherine Ketcham, living with an alcoholic, marijuana addiction help, marijuana addictions, pot addiction, quit cannabis, quit drugs, recovery, signs of alcoholic, Teen addiction, teen addictions
Is it a good idea for my teen to drink at home under my supervision?
No.
Some parents have come to believe that their teen is better off drinking or even smoking pot at home rather then out driving around with friends. Some parents think that it is really cool to throw a graduation party with booze for their underage child and all their friends—complete with an off-duty police guard who will take their car keys and not give them back till the next morning.
This is a bad idea—and not just for legal issues. The message that it sends to an adolescent is, I believe you have no self-control; you’re going to use drugs no matter what, so use them at home where you’ll be safe. Adolescent brains are still under construction and substance use at an early age is not good for the brain. Even though your teen may experiment anyway, it is important to not condone such behavior. No matter what teens may say or even think—they do not need their parents to be their friends, nor should they expect parents to be their rescuers. They need strong parental guidance.
Someone has to be the adult in the relationship.
http://www.whydonttheyjustquit.com/
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
We all want to have hope. Hope gets us up in the morning and drives us to achieve what we otherwise would just dream about. Hope allows us to keep going when circumstances are dire and there does not appear to be any opportunity of turning the tide. Hope is the expectation of something in the absence of empirical data. Hope is everything to the recovering addict.
The second step in the 12 Step process states, “We came to believe that a “power greater than ourselves” could restore us to sanity. That is an example of hope. When a person goes to a treatment facility, having come to a point in his/her life that requires a change in direction, it is out of hope that they submit to the program.
Hope is a key ingredient in motivating a person to move forward in recovery, knowing that there will be good days and bad, knowing that recovery is a process and not an instantaneous event, and knowing that with perseverance, a good outcome is achievable.
Hopeless is a destructive, but avoidable state of mind. Hopeless suggests that nothing can help, not even the most advanced medical intervention, not the love of family and friends, and not even the power of God. Hopeless is a form of denial. It goes right along with addiction, because nothing else matters in life, except to limit themselves to their addictive experience.
Once in the throws of the disease, hopelessness becomes the norm because alternatives are squelched. Even if someone wants help, there are a million reasons why nothing will work. No suggestion, no treatment option, no differing worldview is allowed to become a consideration because the diseased mind can’t comprehend the plan. Hopeless can’t see from beginning to end. Hopeless is giving up because the here and now is too difficult.
Sadly, hope is something others have long before the addicted person is able to grasp and accept what the others are seeing. “We came to believe…” implies a process, and the otherwise hopeless are giving a new lease when faced with the very real possibility of receiving help.
Hope is that little crack in the curtain that allows a ray of light to shine through. Recovery is possible if you are honest, open and willing, and hope is that openness to change. When we feel hopeless, it implies a resistance to change or a fear o what we don’t know. Hope takes that little crack in the curtain and throws it open, allowing the room to be filled with sunlight.
Hope is something we share with the hopeless. It is an encouraging word when someone is struggling. It’s an affirmation when others turn away. Hope says I am loved and cherished. Hopeless says “die because nobody cares anyway.” Hope is warranted because we are made in the image of God, and if God is true to his word in the Bible, we are not only allowed to have hope, but we are encouraged to have hope. In the absence of God, hopeless is, as I see it, certain. There is nothing beyond our own view.
Hope means believing in a possibility, even if we only have a scant sliver of faith that it will happen. You can build on hope by looking forward and allowing yourself to be cared for. You can also build on hopeless by doing nothing.
In that regard, hope is a little harder because it requires some effort. Hopeless has no standard, other than doing nothing and allowing nothing. I see hope as a more intellectually challenging and intellectually honest position. It discards denial and works with solutions. Hope has possibilities. Hope is the place to be.
Ned Wicker is the Addictions Recovery Chaplain at Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center.
He author’s a website for addiction support: Drug-Addiction-Support.org
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ned_Wicker
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: 12-Steps, addiction books, addiction help, addiction recovery, addictions help, addictions video, addictionvideos.com, addicts help, Al-Anon, Al-Anon Books, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon ca, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alanon manhattan, alanon steps, alcohol, alcohol addiction help, alcohol help, alcoholic help, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholism help, alcoholism.about.com, allanon, changing lives foundation, drug help, drug use help, drugs help, help an addict, help for addiction, help for addicts, help for alcoholic, help for alcoholics, help for alcoholism, help for drug, help for family of addicts, Hope is the place to be, how to beat addiction, how to help a drug addict, how to help an addict, Joe Herzanek, just quit, Ned Wicker, recovery, Why Don't they Just Quit, whydonttheyjustquit
Technology is wonderful—up to a point. The medical and pharmaceutical industries have made huge advances to help those suffering from all sorts of diseases. Most of these advances are genuine lifesavers.
Americans are enjoying longer and higher quality lives—so much so, that we have come to expect many things as normal (diseases cured, symptoms gone and less pain for those suffering the debilitating affects of certain health problems).
Much Too Popular
One class of drugs—opiate painkillers, has become much too popular. These meds will not only relieve physical pain but will also give the user a pleasant euphoric effect at the same time. For a significant and growing number if people this euphoric state of mind is becoming more and more difficult to let go of (similar to the popularity of Valium in the 70′s—which by the way, has been recently increasing as well).
So how and why is this happening? How do pain meds cause even more pain? Let me start by saying that these drugs are very necessary for genuine pain—such as pain experienced after a surgery, broken bones, dental work and more. When used as prescribed, for short periods of time these drugs make life manageable. In some very rare cases they may be appropriate for extended periods of time—especially when a person has a terminal disease. A very small percentage of people fall into this category. Thank God for these medications.
The majority of people who take these medications do not fall in this group. Here is where the problem starts. Rarely does anyone start out to become dependent on opiate pain meds. It happens slowly without being noticed. This is an insidious process. Usually, there comes a time when a person’s physical pain is gone. With regular use of painkilling drugs, the central nervous system has come to expect the drug and the sedative affect it produces—as normal.
Withdrawal
When a person stops using the drug, the body revolts. This is called withdrawal. It’s normal. Much less extreme, but nonetheless similar, a heavy coffee drinker who suddenly quits drinking coffee altogether will experience headaches for a few days. This is because their central nervous system has become accustomed to regular jolts of caffeine throughout the day. Withdrawal from caffeine is usually short-lived and not too difficult. Stopping opiate pain meds is similar, but much, much more intense. The withdrawal symptoms are often very painful—so much so that the person will start to think that their pain is not really gone and they must get and take more pain meds.
A Vicious Cycle
Not only is the body expecting this drug, but a person who is taking pain medication is also building a tolerance to it. Their body is requiring more, sometimes lots more—to feel better. This is a vicious cycle that feeds on itself and only gets worse over time. The person taking theses drugs will also become much more sensitive to all pain—as the normal ability to handle mild pain with over-the-counter medications is now diminished.
I’ve recently watched this problem arise close to home, as a family member needed surgery. He had been regularly taking large amounts of pain meds for back pain. While in the hospital for knee-replacement surgery, he found that he required a much larger dosage of pain meds than a normal person would need. After he was given the maximum safe dosage—excruciating pain still persisted. One feels helpless in these situations.
To ensure that this doesn’t happen, pain meds really should only be used when truly needed. Otherwise, when the time comes that a person genuinely needs them—these pain-relieving drugs may not work at all.
How large is this problem really? In 2007 there were a total of 3.7 billion prescriptions written in the United States. 182 million were for pain meds*! I have double-checked these numbers because I thought they couldn’t be correct. Pain meds are second only to prescriptions written for lowering cholesterol (192 million prescriptions). Anti-depressant prescriptions came in third with 158 million.
If you subtract people aged 21 and under from these numbers—that leaves 230 million adults. According to these calculations, over 15 million people are taking opiate pain medications every day. This is 5% of the entire adult population.
Do all these people need opiate pain medication every day? The only way to know for sure is to quit, go through withdrawal and see how you feel after a few months—drug-free. More and more people are unwilling to go through this process. Today, addiction to opiate pain medications is one of the main reasons people are checking into rehab centers.
So how does one avoid becoming dependant on pain medications? And once a person has become dependant on them, how do they learn to safely quit?
Read more about this topic—chapter 27, Why Don’t They JUST QUIT?
* IMS Health Services (2007 Research Statistics)
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: 12 step Christian, AA, addict, addicted, Addicted child, addicted son, addicted teen, addiction, addictions, addicts, addicts treatment, Al-Anon, alanon, alanon advice, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alanon steps, alcohol, alcoholic, Alcoholic spouse, alcoholics, alcoholism, award-winning, book, books, bottom, Boulder, care, Celebrate Recovery, cocaine, cocaine addiction, cocaine recovery, consequences, crack cocaine help, dealing, dealing with addict, dealing with addiction, drug, drug addict, dugs, families, family, friends, functional alcoholic, help, help a drug addict, help an addict, help drug addicts, help for alcoholics, help for drugs, help for marijuana, help for wives of alcoholics, heroin addiction, Herzanek, hit bottom, hitting bottom, how to alcoholic, just quit, living with an alcoholic, marijuana, marijuana addiction help, marijuana addictions, Pain Meds, parent, pot addiction, quit, quit cannabis, quit cocaine, quit drugs, quit heroin, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, signs of alcoholic, Teen addiction, teen addictions
The Internet Review of Books
Julie McGuire
October 2008
Why Don’t They Just Quit: What Family and Friends Need To Know About Addiction and Recovery
By Joe Herzanek
Joe Herzanek, former drug and alcohol abuser, has done more than get treatment for his addictions. Herzanek conquered his demons and has spent his sober life serving others suffering from addiction. He founded the Changing Lives Foundation (www.changinglivesfoundation.org) and has served as a chaplain and counselor at jails and prisons for fifteen years. Herzanek is currently the Chaplain at the Boulder County Jail in Boulder, Colorado.
Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? is more than the typical self-help book. The winner of a Next Generation Indie Book Award, this book is gritty, honest, and full of practical tips, resources, and an Alcohol and Drug Addiction Self Test.
I loved the myriad quotes sprinkled throughout from such diverse individuals as Mother Theresa, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, and Herzanek’s own family members. In the foreword, Joe’s wife, Judy, the Creative Manager for the Changing Lives Foundation says, “Joe speaks from firsthand experience, having survived shattered relationships, a life-threatening disease, physical and mental withdrawal, police problems, and raising two teenagers.”
It is the intimate way in which the author shares himself that lends what could be “just another addiction recovery book” a fresh and hopeful voice. I would recommend this for anyone who has been impacted by the effects of addiction.
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: addict, addicted, addicted spouse, addiction, addiction books, addiction help, addiction recovery, addictions, addictions help, addictions video, addictionvideos.com, addicts, addicts help, Al-Anon, Al-Anon Books, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon ca, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alanon manhattan, alanon steps, alcohol, alcohol addiction help, alcohol help, alcoholic, alcoholic help, alcoholics, alcoholism, alcoholism help, alcoholism.about.com, allanon, award-winning, book reviews, books, bottom, care, changing lives foundation, cocaine, consequences, drug help, drug use help, drugs help, families, family, friends, help, help an addict, help for addiction, help for addicts, help for alcoholic, help for alcoholics, help for alcoholism, help for drug, help for family of addicts, Herzanek, hit bottom, hitting bottom, how to beat addiction, how to help a drug addict, how to help an addict, Indie Award, just quit, parent, quit, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, Self-Help Books, Why Don't they Just Quit, whydonttheyjustquit
This story below was recently sent to us at Changing Lives. We share this candid and powerful account of one woman’s struggle and ultimate healing (with the author’s permission) with hope that it will provide inspiration to others who may be experiencing some of the same struggles. You are not alone.
I Was the Wife of an Alcoholic.
There are so many books out there about alcohol recovery, the addict, what addiction means and what family members are supposed to do. We are led to believe we need to be the addict’s personal cheerleader. Support them thru all the chaos they create in the lives around them. Pick them up when they fall, as relapse is a part of addiction. They skirt around withdrawal. Maybe because the people writing these books were the ones going thru withdrawal and not seeing it from the perspective of the people actually witnessing the withdrawal.
My question was always “when does he start taking responsibility for his own actions? When does the disappointment stop?” This tells a real life story about what family members go through on a daily basis living with an addict. I am not skirting around the withdrawal. The havoc it causes in your life. This is the story of my life.
I was the wife of an alcoholic.
I have two amazing children. I feel I am a very straightforward person. I try not to pull any punches- this tends to get me in trouble, as I have been known to hurt people by what comes out of my mouth. I usually remain calm and composed during difficult situations.
My husband could not be depended upon to be there for us. My son once described to me our family- “there is me you and Sarah who live upstairs and there is Dad who chooses to live downstairs”. Profoundly true. We have a dysfunctional family “true by every meaning of dysfunctional.” I have tried my hardest to make things as normal as possible for my children. I feel I have been a good mother. I know things haven’t been smooth sailing with them, but I feel our past has made us stronger people and we will be better people because of it.
My parents are still married. They have been my lifeline. When things were really bad and I knew I needed to get out of my house with the children I went to my parents. I did not have the financial means to get my own place. Without hesitation my father came up with a plan. We will convert the finished downstairs into two bedrooms with a small sitting area. Sarah could have my old bedroom because she only had a year before moving away to college. Within days the renovations started. My parents are both strong, opinionated people. My dad is the “take control of the situation” type person. My mom thinks nothing of helping with whatever needs to be done.
Sarah is my eighteen-year-old daughter. She has been an adult since she was a child. She loves to have fun and when you hear her laugh it brings a smile to your face. She doesn’t show her emotions. She is straightforward. Sarah loves life-she loves to try new things, she loves to be original and is truly comfortable with her uniqueness.
I have a sixteen-year-old son Greg. He too is old beyond his years. Prior to all the chaos in our lives, Greg would smile and laugh all the time. He loved to be hugged and give hugs. That all changed-partly because of the family situation and partly because of his age. Looking at him, he has this tough exterior. He is quiet and usually only talks when he is being talked to or needs something. He is such an observant kid. He takes everything in. He too is straightforward and always feels the need to protect himself from being hurt.
And so it began–
I met my husband when we were freshman in high school. We became friends. I was a cheerleader, he was a football player. When we were juniors in high school we started dating. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was cheering at a basketball game. He came to the game. At half time we were walking down the hallway, he put his arm around my shoulder and asked me to go to the party after the game with him. I should have seen it. He was drunk but we were in high school and everyone was drinking.
Fast-forward nineteen years- (more detail later)
July 28th, 2007
Hospital Stay #3: I was only out of the house for two weeks. My phone rings at 6:30AM. It was my husband. “Kim, I need you to come to the house. I’m sick and need to go to the hospital.” I tell him I’ll be right up. I arrived within minutes of his call. He was sitting in his recliner, smiling at me. I ask him what’s wrong, as if I don’t already know. He said with the faint smell of alcohol on his breath “I just need you to give me a ride to the bathroom.” I know this isn’t good. I am not a nurse or a doctor but I’ve been here before-he has encephalopathy again. I know that ammonia is going to his brain causing this confusion. I asked him if he called the ambulance yet, he said, “No I was waiting for you.”
Seconds later there is a knock on the door. The paramedics have arrived. I didn’t call them, they told me my husband did. (This has been a constant in my life these past few months. Asking him questions, getting a response from him, but never knowing whether or not to trust the answer that comes from his mouth.) He wanted to change his clothes before he went in the ambulance as he told them “I soiled myself a little”. The paramedics told him he was fine and were taking his vitals. I needed to walk out of the house. I was so angry. One of the paramedics came outside with me to ask some medical questions. They smelled the alcohol on him too. I just shook my head. My thought of “My God Greg you knew if you drank again you were going to die. Why???” I knew what we were all in for. I called his parents. I was crying and telling them that I had the ambulance at the house and their son needed to go to the hospital. I told them that this is exactly what I did not want to be doing, that I could not do this anymore. They reassured me they would meet me at the hospital. They lived twenty minutes from the hospital. Two and a half hours later they arrived. Of course, my own mother knew what was going on and immediately met me at the hospital. She walked into the ER room that my husband was in, talked to him like he was going to be OK. Thoughts of “Am I insane? Am I seeing something that nobody else is? Am I exaggerating his medical condition and what the GI doctor told me- if he drinks again he would die? My mom walked out in tears. She never showed him those tears; she wanted him to have hope.
I needed to leave the ER as I had a second job I needed to go to. I know this may sound cold of me to leave him alone, at the hospital; waiting for his parents to arrive but mine was the only income. I was responsible for the mortgage, utilities, food etc. I had no choice but to go to work. I was the responsible one. I had two teenage children to care for.
I just pulled into the parking lot for my job when, my husband’s GI doctor was calling my cell phone. He said, “Kim, I know we just worked really closely on your husband’s case a few weeks ago, but his parents are telling me that you are estranged and they will be making all the medical decisions.” I explained to him that I moved out two weeks ago, however, I was still his wife, knew what my husband wanted and that I would in fact be making any and all medical decisions if my husband could not. He asked me to please come to the hospital as soon as possible. I ran inside Bed Bath and Beyond where I worked, found my manager, trying to hold back my tears I explained to her that my husband was in ICU, and I needed to go to the hospital immediately and would be unable to work my shift. I told her I would call later as I didn’t know what the week would hold for me. Running out of the store and to my car my thoughts were “Damn you Greg! I can’t believe you are doing this to us again!”
So now I’m feeling anger at him, anger at his parents, fear for what’s ahead. It’s always been a feeling like getting punched hard in the stomach when you’re not looking. On the ride to the hospital, I played it out in my head, what I would say to his parents, what I would do, how I needed to keep composure. Falling apart was not a part of the plan.
By the time I arrived at the intensive care unit, the nurses were already giving him a blood transfusion. His parents were sitting in the waiting area. I stopped briefly, and calmly told them I knew that they told the doctor that I was the estranged wife and that they would be making the medical decisions. I told them that I have lived with their son for the past nineteen years, and lived the hell of his addiction. I told them that I was still his wife, I would include them in on any medical decisions that needed to be made, however my decision would be the final one. They of course, denied ever saying that to the doctor. My thought was “let it slide, Kim- just take a deep breath and let it slide.” The reality of it all was I knew my husband was dying; I didn’t need a doctor to come out and speak those words. I knew in my heart, that my in-laws could not make the tough decisions that were ahead. And I was his wife; it was my responsibility to make those decisions.
I met with the GI doctor. Based on my husband’s blood levels, he felt he was bleeding internally, and wanted to perform an endoscopy to see if there was varicies. I signed the consent for it, because my husband was incapable of signing. The doctor also informed me that he would like to wait until the next morning to do it, however, if things got worse today he might need to do it on an emergency basis.
I needed to go home and tell my two children what was happening. They were numb to what I was telling them. You tend to feel emotionless when you’ve been thru this enough times. How many times can you hear “you need to be prepared, your father probably won’t make it thru this time.” I have always been honest with my children about their father’s disease. I knew it was so important for them to be able to trust me with this, to know I was always going to be straight forward no matter what the outcome may be. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
My daughter was accepting of it. She was angry but wanted to see her father. It’s been a crazy year for her. Between her father going in and out of the hospital, leaving for rehab on her birthday, in June she left for an economics leadership program, she was home for a week, she spent a week at my brothers house taking care of his animals while they were on vacation and then she left for Washington DC to volunteer at the Hugh O’Brien World Leadership Congress. She arrived back home late on July 28th. On July 29th her father was admitted to the hospital and she hadn’t seen him in weeks. She was exhausted to say the least. Another emotional roller coaster for her.
Can you imagine going from a World Leadership Congress with 400 plus teenagers from all over the World who excel in academics, leadership and volunteerism, a place where when you walk into a room with these teenagers you can’t help but feel their enthusiasm for life, their positive spirit and feel through your entire body the energy that radiates from them to a place where death is imminent? All I can say is she is a remarkable person.
My son was angry. He told me he was not going to see his father at the hospital. I respected his decision. My family did not understand my acceptance of his decision. You see, they didn’t live in our house; they didn’t experience the day-to-day chaos that the alcohol brought into our lives. You need to experience it to truly understand it. I was told “he will regret this the rest of his life if you don’t make him go see his father.” I knew my son. I knew he absolutely needed to feel he controlled his own decisions. I was truly fine with his decision. In a lot of ways I envied him.
It’s funny now, how really “in control” I was during this time. I guess I had been preparing myself for years. During the last week of my husband’s life, I stayed calmly in control. I listened to people’s opinion; I saw their concern, their hurt, and their tears. I was able to take it all in and feel for them, be there for them. I was able to talk to doctors rationally about their expectations, plans, and reasoning’s behind certain tests. I amazed myself. I believe so much of this was due to me making a promise to myself and my family to do everything possible to help my husband with his addiction. I knew that this day would come and I was going to need to say “you have done all you could for him, it was in his hands and Gods hands.” As this promise came into play, I shared it with my children- always using the words “we are” or “we will”. Always letting them know I would be truthful with them. In the end, they too, were able to feel “we” did all we could for him. There was no guilt attached. What a good feeling.
There are a few parts of this that remain foggy to me. This next part is one of them.
My brothers and their wives arrived at the house. I sat downstairs with them, explained to them what was happening with my husband and we all held each other and cried together.
During this time, my father was walking around on crutches. He badly needed to get his hip replaced and was in agony from the pain. My father was angry with my husband for all he put us through. He had a difficult time accepting that my husband couldn’t just stop drinking. He made a lot of excuses for not going to the hospital to see him. My mom is a very forgiving person, and while her son-in-law hurt her daughter and grandchildren, she completely understood the disease and forgave him.
I went back to the hospital. I know I said I would not do the hospital scene ever again. But the truth was, I still loved this man. I hated the alcoholic but loved the man. I realized I was finally able to separate the two. He was going downhill fast. Blood transfusions had been running throughout the day, he still had brain confusion when he was awake.
My family (minus my father) arrived shortly after. (My father did eventually come up to the hospital and then we couldn’t get him to leave).
I remember walking into my husband’s hospital room with my twin brother and standing by him. His anger now gone. His compassion, immeasurable. He walked over and kissed his friend (my husband) on the forehead. My husband opened his eyes and smiled. I remember my brother walking out of the room, tears running down his face, and I hugged him. He has felt that blinded punch in the stomach that I have lived with for so long. As I write this, I have tears running down my cheeks. It is like opening newly healed wounds
Monday July 29th:
It’s early Monday morning and there is some confusion as to whether or not the endoscopy will be done. The resident doctor comes out to speak to me. We talk about a DNR. We talk about the expected outcome, it’s grim. I am confident with my answer to the DNR. I know, without a doubt, a DNR order needs to be in place. This is something my husband and I talked about in depth.
The doctor covering for our primary care physician arrives. We sit on the couch of the waiting room in the ICU. It’s eerily quiet. We talk about the lab results, the blood transfusion, and the encephalopathy. He explains to me what to anticipate. I told him I signed a DNR order. He said it was a good decision. I remember looking him straight in the eyes, hoping for an honest answer. I asked him, “When will I know it’s time to stop everything?” He said, “You will know that it is time when the blood transfusions are being hung one after another after another. When you see that he has had three or four transfusions and nothing has improved it will be time to consider stopping all help.
At this point all we will be doing is playing games with numbers. One transfusion brings the lab levels up only to drop again and another transfusion is given to bring numbers up again. Follow your heart, you will know.”
My husband’s GI doctor arrives. He sits and talks briefly to me. He said, “I understand there is some confusion as to whether you want this test done.” His GI doctor is all business. Bedside manner could be better, but he is the best in his field. So I ask him, “Why are we doing the endoscopy if there is little chance of him pulling thru this?” He said, “Kim, you brought him to a hospital, at a hospital we do what we can to give the patient a chance. I am not saying this will help anything but if there are varicies and we can clip them so they stop bleeding, maybe it will help. If you didn’t want to take these chances then you should have gone to hospice.”
I thought he was fair with his answer. I didn’t need him babying me with words. Short and sweet and to the point. Perfect for me. I said go ahead do the test.
The endoscopy was done right inside the ICU room. I remember my parents, my twin brother, and my best friend being there. (It seems like my best friend NEVER left my side during this week). It seemed like an eternity before the doctor came out. But he came out and called me over to the side away from everyone. I remember seeing his face how pale it was for a doctor, so I listened to him and looked down at his clogged feet. He told me to prepare myself for the worst; my husband was in congestive heart failure. My husband had minimal varices. That was good right? Wrong- Instead, the doctor explained to me that my husband’s entire GI tract was oozing blood. It was described as “kinda like when you scrape your knee and it just keeps oozing and stings.”
The doctor told me he put an oxygen mask on my husband to try to help him breathe a little easier, and I should go in and be with him. I called the family over and explained to them what was explained to me. I then walked into my husband’s room totally unprepared for what I was about to see. The hospital staff had my husband propped sitting straight up; his eyes were bulging as he was gasping for air. There was blood everywhere. On his face, on his Johnny coat, on the sheets. He then began to make a God-awful noise. It was loud, so very loud. I didn’t know what to do. He was looking at me with his bulging eyes looking for me to help him. I wanted to run. I needed to get out of that room. I am a strong person but I was not prepared for this.
I can’t tell you how many times I walked quickly away to the door leading to the hallway- the hallway where I could escape and not see that image any longer. At that moment I knew what it was like to be insane. I would walk away only to tell myself I couldn’t leave him alone like that, alone and scared. I think by the fourth time I just had to leave. The nurse actually came in and told me to leave she wanted to clean him up. She did this to save me from making the decision. I remember just barely being able to walk out of his room, my energy completely drained from my body.
Everyone was standing there wanting to know how he was, I couldn’t speak. Instead I let my knees give out and I slid down the wall in a crouched position, my hands covering my eyes, and I sobbed uncontrollably. While this was happening, his moaning increased in volume and everyone in the waiting area could hear him. I didn’t need to say anything else. They all cried along with me. I would not allow anyone to go in to see him like that, I wanted him cleaned up. I knew that vision was going to haunt me the rest of my life. No need for anyone else to experience it.
It was an extremely long day of not knowing what was going to happen. My husband was not going to pull through this time. I called both of the kids and told them that I did not think their father was going to live much longer. Throughout the afternoon we all went in to say our good byes. At one point both families had encircled his bed and you could feel the love for him in the room. I remember holding his hand and telling him that it was okay to let go. I was trying to give him permission to die. We stood around and cried, and hugged one another and tried to console each other. I didn’t care who was in the room; he needed to know it was time to let go. I never thought I would actually know that he was dying. I always said he was going to die from the alcohol, I didn’t know that I would actually know when but I could feel it in every fiber of my being that my husband was going to die. I knew what I needed. I needed to turn back time and find a way to change the outcome of my husband’s addiction. That wasn’t going to happen.
Everyone was trying to support me the only way they knew how. You need to remember this was a new experience for all of us. No one planned on my husband dying at the age of 42.
During this stressful day, I took a few minutes to call my divorce attorney. I told her my husband was in the hospital and was not going to pull through this time. I needed to stop the proceedings. She didn’t really know what to say, so she told me she was there for me-anything I needed just call. When I look back at this, I wonder why I made this call from the hospital.
Later in the afternoon, my son called me. Mom I’m coming up. I’m not staying more than twenty minutes. I told him “whatever you want to do.” He was walking to the hospital. Everyone offered to give him a ride, but I know my son, walking is a kind of therapy; he can collect his thoughts and feelings. I called him back to see if he knew where to go, he didn’t so I met him at the elevators. He was so angry. But I know he came for me. We sat at the furthest waiting area, and we talked. I told him what was happening with his dad. He didn’t want to go in to see him. He told me he was leaving.
July 30th:
It’s now Tuesday morning. I arrive at the ICU room at approximately 630am
Slowly, the last day, he slipped in and out of consciousness. When he was awake he kept asking for water. WATER
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATER.
At some point on this day, the hospital social worker stopped by to see me. This is the same social worker that walked out on me when my husband was standing over me with his fist, the same social worker that told me I was speaking out of anger and would not get inpatient rehab the first time around. She came up to me and told me she was there for me and whatever I needed she would be there for me. I said thanks and walked away shaking my head laughing. Now she wants to help me? Now when there was no hope left. What help could she possibly be? I didn’t need a friend or support- I had my family.
On August 4, 2007 my husband passed away, quietly in his sleep. The death certificate read heart failure. The reality was his death was caused from alcohol dependency.
My daughter just recently graduated from high school.I am so proud of all that she has accomplished. Throughout the year after her father died, she maintained her high honor status, graduating as Valedictorian of her class. She was involved with HOBY, National Honor Society, Spanish Honor Society, United Way- to name a few. She will be leaving in August for The George Washington University. She is looking forward to moving away and starting fresh. I can’t say I blame her. I just hope she isn’t trying to run away from memories.
My son is still struggling thru high school. He is such a smart kid, but lacks the motivation to use what he has. I see a more relaxed kid, someone who talks to me instead of yelling at me. I see him smiling a little more and every now and then I even get a semi- hug. To me this is huge. I still see a very protective teenager with his “walls up”- always ready to never let anyone hurt him again.
As for me- I struggle every single day. I have a difficult time trusting people. I don’t let people in easily. My philosophy on this is if people aren’t in your life they can’t hurt you. It’s hard to even let family members in. I don’t want them feeling sorry for me. I close my eyes and see the last week of my husband’s life. Sometimes it will be a vision of him after his endoscopy when he was in congestive heart failure, sitting straight up in his bed with an oxygen mask on his face, eyes bulging, and blood all over him AND HIS BED another time it may be him prior to his final hospital stay, bloated to the point where fluid was leaking thru his skin and running down his legs. He would take a sanitary napkin and put it inside his sock to soak up the fluid so it didn’t drench his sock. These are two memories that haunt me. This is what the other books don’t tell you. The insanity of living with an alcoholic.
It’s funny how the people around you judge you when they don’t know what’s going on in your life and then feels the need to feel sorry for you when they realize the hell you’ve been thru. I remember people I went to school with my entire life, making statements behind my back about my lack of participation in my children’s school events, sports, meetings etc. during the past year. It really hurt but in the grand scheme of things it just didn’t matter at the time. If they only knew the insanity in my life, my kids life, if they only knew I had all I could do to keep things together for the kids and myself.
I’ve learned a very important lesson thru all of this and that is not to judge people. When you think that someone is snubbing you off stop and think that maybe they have something going on in their own lives that they aren’t ready to share.” Walk away with a smile because if they are snubbing you off your smile will be an indication that it’s not really bothering you, and if they have something going on that smile may just brighten their day a little even if they don’t show it.
After my husband died, I began to hate these two simple phrases; “so how are you doing?? ” and “how are you?” The walls go immediately up. What I really want to say is “how the hell do you think I’m doing– I lost my husband, my house, my life”– but I realize that would be my anger being thrown at people who simply are just asking a question of concern. So I simply smile and say, “I’m fine”.
My life has been forever changed. But I am moving forward. I am currently enrolled in college. I am working toward obtaining a BS degree in psychology. My goal is to become a Substance Abuse and Behavioral Disorder Counselor.
What you read above, is a small section of the book I am in the process of writing. It is a slow process–mainly because it becomes too painful to write at times. But I have a goal to finish it.
I want other people to know they are not alone.
(I can be contacted at: kmtimp1@yahoo.com)
Sign up for the Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: addict, addicted, addicted spouse, addiction, addiction books, addiction help, addiction recovery, addictions, addictions help, addictions video, addictionvideos.com, addicts, addicts help, Al-Anon, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alanon ca, alanon group, alanon help, alanon literature, alanon manhattan, alanon steps, alcohol, alcohol addiction help, alcohol help, alcoholic, alcoholic help, alcoholics, alcoholism, alcoholism help, alcoholism.about.com, allanon, award-winning, books, bottom, care, changing lives foundation, cocaine, consequences, drug help, drug use help, drugs help, families, family, friends, help, help an addict, help for addiction, help for addicts, help for alcoholic, help for alcoholics, help for alcoholism, help for drug, help for family of addicts, Herzanek, hit bottom, hitting bottom, how to beat addiction, how to help a drug addict, how to help an addict, just quit, parent, quit, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, Why Don't they Just Quit, whydonttheyjustquit
After speaking to and emailing hundreds of parents, spouses and other family members, I know this is a lot easier said, than done. Raising the bottom is especially difficult for mothers and is one of the reasons I wrote the book Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? — to get the message to as many as possible.
Exactly what do I mean by”raising the bottom”? This whole idea of “hitting bottom” is out of date. Some people will wait years–even decades–for their friend to reach this mythical point in their alcohol and drug use. But why wait for them to “hit bottom”? Why not help them by raising their bottom? There are ways to encourage someone to reach for help much earlier. In doing so, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache and maybe even save their life. For some people, hitting bottom will be six feet underground.
So does everyone have to hit rock bottom? I would say no. Tough love can prevent a substance abuser from prolonging their usage. There are loving ways to refuse to rescue someone that in the long run will help him or her to choose recovery. Loving means doing the right thing to help. This can take all of our strength and energy at times. “We all hate to see someone suffereven when the suffering is a consequence of their bad choices. This approach, or some form of it, is something you might consider: Raise the bottom. Whether it is a teenage son or daughter, a spouse, boyfriend, aunt or uncle, the same principles can apply. A few nights in jail could be the best thing that ever happens to them. The next time this person you care about appeals to you to get them out of a bind (loan them money, pay their electric bill, buy them gas, pay for a lawyer), think twice. You just might be prolonging their disease and robbing them of the natural consequences that they need to experience in order to seek help and begin to connect the dots.
I receive a lot of mail from family members who are searching for “Al-anon type” answers and information. Here’s a typical email and my response (I’ve changed the name and some of the details to protect the identity of this woman).
Dear Joe,
I have just ordered Why Don’t They JUST QUIT? as my last resort to get off the emotional rollercoaster my alcoholic husband has put me on! He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. It’s like living with Jekyl & Hyde! The physical & emotional rollercoaster is killing me. He has been incarcerated about 4 times and was in many different programs for alcohol, at least 5 or 6. He drives while drinking, and gambles when he drinks. I could go on forever. I constantly walk on eggshells and don’t know how much more I can handle. This book is my last resort before I suffer a mental breakdown.Thanks Joe,
SarahHi Sarah,
Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear about your current struggle. Your life does not have to be this way! The book will definitely help and give you some insights on the addiction problem. The difficult part will be sticking with the tough love that is necessary to motivate your husband to begin recovery. You can do it and so can he.I don’t know your entire situation, but the number one issue must be dealt with, and that is HIS alcohol and or drug use.
Keep that in mind. You didn’t cause this problem and you can’t control or cure it. What you can do is confront it and perhaps give ultimatums. You can force him to see the light or feel the heat.
At some point he needs to choose which relationship is the most important–his relationship with you or his relationship with alcohol. Let him know there is a high cost to continue his current way of living. The pain of consequences is often the best teacher.
Hang in there.
Joe
Sign up for our Free Changing Lives Bi-Monthly E-Newsletter!
Tags: addict, addicted, addicted spouse, addiction, addiction recovery, addictions, addicts, Al-Anon, Al-Anon Books, Al-Anon literature, alanon, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, award-winning, book reviews, books, bottom, care, cocaine, consequences, families, family, friends, help, Herzanek, hit bottom, hitting bottom, Indie Award, just quit, parent, quit, recovering, recovery, rock bottom, Self-Help Books, success stories, Why Don't they Just Quit
